Love in the Rain..

It was raining heavily. Umbrellas were everywhere. Everyone’s on a dash. The sky is crying as if it’s agonizing with me. I am walking alone, staring at people’s faces and looking at their peculiar expressions, I wasn’t aware of what will happen then.

You were wandering on your own. You’re enjoying the scenery while holding on a yellow umbrella. You were a reminiscent of a young lad who doesn’t give a damn to what others might say. Politely greeting everyone you meet and giving them your sweetest smile, that makes you look innocent and naive.

Down the road, our paths convened. You glanced at me while I looked straight into your soul. The sound of my heart beating was deafening. It’s out of control. The time stopped in an instant. Every movement became slow. The picture of your face was clear yet no expressions can be seen. Though you didn’t recognize me, I felt glad and happy. I was smiling secretly. I was waiting for you to look back but you never did. I knew that you can’t see anything but HER , still i'm hopeful:(

Cruel love!

Burying this painful feeling in the grave of my past is as hard as solving a calculus problem. I always thought that LOVE will bring me delight, pleasure and contentment. I’m sure that LOVE is heaven. But all this confidence I had in love has been washed away the very moment I experienced it. It was all vague assumptions. I may sound like I was a LOVE-hater, but I’ll tell you: No, I’m not! I was just blinded by the lies of what they say “The Beauty of Love” and now I’m awakened. LOVE is indeed beautiful if and only if it was shared by two people. Unfortunately, I thought we were deeply in-LOVE, that we both felt it, but I was mistaken. I was the only one, me and myself alone. It was one-sided. I tried to resist but that feeling is strong that I can’t do anything but to bear with it. It lasted for days, then weeks, months and months and sadly for years. I waited so long hoping that he’ll knock at my heart even just for once. And as expected, he didn’t even passed by. Do you know how painful it was? It’s like I was stabbed directly in the heart. Bleeding, wounded and still unhealed, silently my heart is crying.

It wasn’t his fault. I’m the one who chose to be hurt. Yes! The blame is all in me. Everything has been done, no one can change it. It’s better to leave it that way. Now, I’m taking the path I chose: Continue to love him until the day I can fully heal this wounded heart of mine. Am I being martyr? Forgetting someone is as difficult as trying to remember a person when you have amnesia. I don’t want to fill up my pain meter. It has a limited capacity and might explode soon. It’s better this way. I’m contented just seeing him from afar even though slowly, he's walking away.

a beautiful nightmare...

Lately, i am bothered by this unexplainable feeling,
is it part of growing? Am i really maturing?
well I don't know a thing !
but I think it is exciting...

how it all started?

At first, I didn't felt any emotions
when he was introduced by our new companions,
he's a good guy with a sense of humor,
a rich kid who needs to hire a tutor...
we became friends but that's all
I never expected that he would fall...
he asked if he could court me,
I was shocked and replied "maybe"
I was happy to know he likes me.
but friends is all that we can be...
it was to late before I realized,
I like him too but I lied,
I never tried to confess fearing everything will be in mess...
semesters passed, now everything's in past..
unfortunately my feelings didn't last..
we were not like we used to be
because he's now a stranger to me,
no talks, just HI's after that he bids goodbye..
but every time I remember,
those limited times we had together...
it just makes me smile,and reminisce for awhile...

but I'm not sure if what i felt was true
or maybe it was just a cue
that everthing i've gone through
was just a nightmare of two...

Things are finally over,
it's time for me to move on and recover
for all what happenned was just a dream,
a dream I wish to become real.